gigi & the LNGs

meow meow

i have the meow mix jingle in my head this morning. as soon as the commercial came on i cursed it since i knew that there would be no escape. i suppose that this is what i get for watching dr. phil over breakfast. during today's show, dr. phil followed up with this season's dr. phil (dyfunctional) family. the 13-year-old younger daughter of the family made the announcement that she wants to be given up for adoption. then dr. phil gave her a copy of his son's book and suggested that the family follow the steps outlined therein. three cheers for family therapy!! after having been briefly involved in a family's breakdown, i feel so good now, safe in the knowledge that dr. phil and his prodigal son are going to show america's family the right path.

watching dr. phil fills me with conflict. not just conflict over what dr. phil could do with his benevolent appearance (removing the mustache or adding a toupe?), but genuine conflict over the actual effect the show has on its guests and on its viewers. in the end, the suggestion that deeply entrenched emotional issues can be resolved with a quick psychotherapeutic fix (and by that i'm including the 6 months of therapy that dr. phil offers some of his guests, which is quite generous, i admit) is a misleading and unhelpful idea to push onto one's viewers. an idea that promotes and extends america's demands for quick everything. on the other hand, some of what dr. phil has to say *does* appear valid, and makes sense, and looks like it might, in fact, help these people. and perhaps dr. phil can help de-shame and de-mystify the realm of mental health for the average american. maybe, because of dr. phil, more people can seek the help they clearly need, that they would not have normally sought. then again, i do find it unsavory to turn the very serious and often wrenching experience of therapy and emotional healing into a feel-good festival.

oh, dr. phil.

meow meow meow meow...

christmas is coming

all i could possibly want for christmas, for approximately 83 US dollars...

vow breaker

i am a vow breaker. i vowed to compose a response to the fresh air interview with bill o'reilly. i was negligent. i vowed to rail about machismo, feminism, and the election of the molestorator. i failed. i claimed that i would write a reflection about the past year of my life. i did no such thing. my vows are no good!

funny things, vows. really, it seems as though vows are often niceties that enable people to get away with things for a longer amount of time. sort of like the promise-to-pay function that you can choose when you call up your phone company after they threaten to shut off your service. you make a vow, then forget about what you vowed to do for a while. your anxiety has been temporarily alleviated in the wake of your promise. sort of like couples who seem to believe that "everything will be better if we just get married." as if the vows themselves will mend things, keep bob from humping anything that moves while barbara smokes cigarettes in the living room in front of daytime tv.

perhaps the issue is that many people rely on vows to create a commitment that is presently absent for the vow-taker. when really, a vow is meant to be a confirmation of a commitment that already exists, an expression of intent, a symbol of personal determination. yes, that's it! indeed.

why the hell am i rambling about vows? perhaps it's the massive magnetic storm...

in other news, i *have* been managing to get myself up 2.5 hours before i have to be at work to do this workout like a freak in my living room. what have i become???

one year

it was one year ago today (or this evening, i suppose), that anthony and i first kissed and hence embarked upon the magical journey that is our relationship. to celebrate our anniversary this evening we shall partake in a festival of fondue, in which we will eat melted cheese and chocolate off of our naked bodies.... well, in the interests of avoiding 2nd degree burns, maybe we won't be eating fondue off of our naked bodies. but there will be fondue. mmmmm, fondue.

a brief analysis of the past year will follow in the next few days...

elliott smith, 1969 - 2003

i just heard of elliott smith's suicide on all things considered. it's terrible. it has been a long time since i listened to any of his music, it reminded me of a period of my life of which i did not care to be reminded. but i always did think his songs were terribly beautiful, and there was an empathy and a generosity in his voice that carried right through to your gut. perhaps that was part of what i couldn't deal with, that this empathy did at one time comfort someone that i did not think deserved that comfort, and that for me to be drawn in by that music later meant acknowledging on some level the capability of that person to be comforted by music. and acknowledging this capability meant acknowledging that person's (semi)human qualities as well. it also made me uncomfortable to be moved by something that would move that person, it conjured an unpleasant feeling of semi-connection that has been too disturbing for me in the past.

but elliott smith had a gift that allowed him to reach (to whatever extent possible) even the remotest of human beings. just breaks my heart. at the very least, he deserves another listen...

mas buena/menos mal

today i am feeling better than before. to add further cheer, i have performed a random google of the day. this was inspired by the foul liquidy substance that soaked pointy's bed the other morning. i'm still not sure if it was dog barf. it smelled like billious feta cheese. honestly, i have no fucking clue what it was. all i know is that i accidentally sat in it (while trying to extract a dvd from the dvd player on the floor next to the dog bed) and then had to wash my clothes and take a second shower to get the smell out of both body and mind. pointy sure seemed to enjoy it, though, whatever it was. he spent all afternoon and evening licking his bed and the carpet next to it. yum!

black letter day

some days are red letter days. you know, where things are looking up and it appears as if your world is on your side. last thursday was one of those days. it was nice. i liked it.

today is a black letter day. things do not seem up. in fact, things are quite a bit down. i feel cornered, as if expressing myself RE certain issues will only serve to more deeply define me in certain terms to certain people. yet to cease expressing myself, this feels like a silencing, like giving in to what was intended on the part of others. and to experience emotion over the whole situation, to be a human being with feelings, this feels like a demonstration of weakness, as if i'm being a baby, being perceived an "emotional woman." but i'm not a baby. and i *am* an emotional human being. like all other human beings. and it's not a weakness to be hurt or angry. and i won't apologize for my emotions.

i am furious today. it is not fun to feel cornered and unresolved. fuck.

anyways...

the world of mental health (or lack thereof)

today i worked at the residential center for SED kids, morning shift 8a-3p. it's in the east bay so i have to leave by 7.15a to ensure timeliness. i was tired today, woke up last night around 2am and didn't fall back asleep until 4 or so. this was unfortunate, especially considering the events of my shift. not wishing this to overly resemble the tardblog in any way, i will not go into any direct detail about said events, but suffice it to say that my day involved the quiet room, sustained ear-piercing howling, superfluous profanity from the mouth of an 8-year-old, and urinary excretion in a place other than the bathroom.

i would like to take a moment to say that i find the use of major psychotropic drug cocktails on children to be criminal...

negligence

i have been most negligent of late. not that i haven't been having thoughts, it's just that these thoughts have been co-opted by a pervasive laziness that has prevented me from properly articulating any of these thoughts. i had been planning on writing a response to this fresh air interview from one week ago, but laziness prevailed. i also wanted to share some opinions stirred up by yesterday (10-15-03)'s edition of working assets radio. the show was about machismo and feminism in light of the recent california tragedy, er, i mean, election of arnold schwarzenegger for governer.

perhaps i need to make some vows.

alright, then. i vow to share with you, dear blog readers, my response to the bill o'reilly interview on fresh air. this will be done within the next few days.

after that, i vow to rant and rave about our society's apparent indifference to arnold schwarzenegger's sexual abuse of women, and to raise a few points about politics and character and women.

in other news, i am broke. i have discovered, much to my chagrin, that fastidiously creating an excel spreadsheet that tracks one's budget does not, in fact, yield more money. it simply enables one to have greater clarity on one's financial ruin. this is not an entirely bad thing for those of us who languish in ambiguity induced anxiety, but the disappointment still stings.

so, outside of work in the sex industry or various black markets, does anyone have any ideas for bolstering my income? don't be shy, i really do want suggestions...

war bunny needs jokes

we need jokes. for any of you who were at our show on the 30th, you'll understand why. we need jokes to tell during any technical disaster or lull during the open mic period between future sets. we will even give you credit for these jokes! then your name can be publicly immortalized at one of our gigs. when we're rock legends it'll be a story you can tell your kids.

of course, if public immortalization is not enough to motivate you, perhaps the prospect of being subjected to more of mike's pedophilia jokes will do the trick.

do your part! war bunny wants YOU for better jokes...